in the land of the other

snapshot of the depressive on spring break: skiing relentlessly, until she's just too freakin' sore to keep going. then: spending the next day asleep in the hotel, until she realizes it's 2 and she's hungry. ...

today i am in the land of the mormons. which is a totally new cultural experience for me. i'm from a big country where religion is taken seriously, but doctrine, per se, is not. i've also lived abroad, but amid the same cacophony of beliefs. i've never really been surrounded by religion, and never bothered to ask my parents why we were dutch christian reformed and not methodist or baptist or buddhist.

and i learned, slowly in college, not to ask true believers why they trust what they trust. this was after visiting my jewish friends after hanukkah and demanding they tell me the story of the lights. or barging in on a Black floormate and asking to hear the story of kwanzaa. ("no one thinks we celebrate it, except for white people" was her answer.) gradually, i learned that if someone says she's religious, etiquette demands that i smile graciously, curb my swearing and ask no questions.

it was in this context that i met too good friends, both mormons. rather, they're jack mormons. a couple of the heaviest drinkers i've ever met, and confused as hell. so i never asked questions, assuming it was too painful. that left my entire perception of the religion based on what i read in 8th grade history and what a young missionary told me once on a plane. i found both versions mythically distasteful.

so here i am, two blocks from the center of the mormon universe, feeling more than ever like i'm in a foreign country. why is everything really closed on sundays, why are bars called "private clubs," why does everyone say "hi" on the street? i came to this bookstore/coffeeshop for the free internet, but found myself drawn to the "religion" section, which occupies the entire second floor. half of that was dedicated to LDS literature, including a book called "how awesome will it be?: preparing teens for the second coming." there's no "lady chatterley's lover" here, but they do have nearly pornographic copies of italian "marie claire." how much does doctrine pervade culture? is it ok to pour joe at a coffeeshop and deprive oneself of caffeine? i feel like i need to educate myself, but only with one of those NYTimes approved "critical biographies" of the church. i didn't see any of those on the shelf.

so, i suppose today's sad commentary is that i have no idea how to talk about religion. even in a program where i have to rely on a higher power to get through a day w/out a drink, i have no idea what mine ought to look like. and i think everyone else' s looks kinda silly, too. in this way religion and politics, though both taboo topics in polite conversation, are completely different. i can argue politics knowing that my sparring partner and i will never convince the other of the truth. but when it comes to religion, i'm completely afraid of being pierced.